Letting go of the memories

I’m happy with my decision, with what I did.  Everything feels lighter now.  It made me appreciate all the good times I had and just let go of all the bad times because it would really be pointless holding on to those memories.  It’s better this way than end up being fed up and bitter towards each other.  I wish that we could be friends eventually because we spent nearly five years being together and there’s this part of me that’s having a hard time accepting that friendship isn’t an easy thing to ask for. 

It’s hard because people around me got so used to us being together that they keep on asking if I’m sure I made the right decision…  I’m sure I did, but it’s too complicated to explain because that decision to break up was due to a lot of factors.  It’s what I want and it’s the best thing to do.  I’m just glad that we can both carry on with our own lives now.

I’m happy but I’m having a hard time letting go of the things involved in that relationship- pictures, letters, and other gifts.  I feel that if I throw those things away, I’d be somewhat throwing away 5 years of my life.  I’ve become attached to those things, or at least accustomed to seeing them around. My room would be less cluttered and a bit bare without the picture frames on my desk, the boquet of flowers he gave me for Valentine’s day this year, and the stuffed toys occupying a third of my bed.

Does it make sense to say that I’ve already let go of him but not yet the memories?  I know that it’s over between us and that there’s no turning back anymore.  I just long for the day that whenever I reminisce, I could say that I appreciate all the memories and I’ve nothing but happiness for both of us rather than smiling wistfully, remembering all the good memories that’s been lost.

I admit that I’m purging right now, purge-blogging.  I want to be able to sort out what I’m feeling about those memories that I’m trying very hard to put it into words, and perhaps failing miserably at it. I just want to be able to put everything behind so I can continue without complicating my current situation more.