Three lovely people :P

Last April 23 was the birthday of three people very special to me, Ade (my boyfriend), Kim (my high school bestfriend), and Myco (my kuya during high school). Belated happy birthday to all three of them! GREET THEM PEOPLE, GREET THEM! Anyway before I get too retarded, I just want to post this letter I made for my bestfriend many months ago as I think it is very timely.

To my best friend

How are you? It’s been more than a year since I last talked to you.  I remember I texted you that Friday afternoon, asking if you can join me as I’d be near your house.  You said you couldn’t because you’d be busy and that maybe next time I’m nearby, we can spend time together.

I just got down the train and I was on an escalator at LRT-Gateway when I read your reply.  I was disappointed that you wouldn’t be able to meet me and because it was rush hour, I decided to keep my phone first and just reply when I get to my destination.

I was heading to a despedida and the celebration was already in full swing when I got there that’s why I forgot to reply to you.  I really enjoyed that night even though you weren’t with me.

Then came Monday morning.. I was so tired after my long test.  I was walking around the school when one of our high school classmates texted me that you were on the news. I tried calling you but you weren’t answering and I was really worried.  I called up Kookai, I hoped that you were with her, or that at least she’d know if the news was true.  She told me that you didn’t have classes that’s why she hasn’t talked to you since Friday.

After an hour or two, Kai confirmed that the news reports were true.. She said that she had her maid go to your condo to ask the guard.  She said that you were at Camp Aguinaldo. I thought you were confined there so I asked Kai for the details.

While nervously waiting for her reply, my mind was full of questions. Do they even have a hospital there? Would they let visitors in? I mean, it’s a camp, maybe they’re strict with visitors. I was really praying that you were fine.  I told myself that I’d really go out of my way to visit you that day even if I have so many things to do.  After you did that I knew that you’d need someone to talk to.

I was walking to my next class when I received her reply. She said that your corpse was there for autopsy.  For the first time in my life, I didn’t care how I looked. I didn’t care if I was going to be late for class.  I didn’t care if my other friends who were walking with me would be late as well.  I stopped in the middle of the walkway and cried. I was squatting and crying. If not for my friends who pulled me up and dragged me to class, I would’ve sat there and stayed there for a long time.

I went to your funeral, hoping to see your face before you get cremated but your sister said that your face was so bloated.  She’d rather that people’s memories of you not be scarred by how you looked like inside the coffin.

It may be narcissistic of me to somehow blame myself for what happened.  You can’t imagine how guilty I felt for not replying to your text message, how I wish I told you that yes, next time I’m nearby, I hope we can finally spend some time together.  I was angry at myself for not dropping by your area often because I was too lazy to commute or because I was too busy having a good time with my other friends.  If I just dropped by more often, I probably would have known about your problems.  I should have texted you more often so you wouldn’t have thought I was so busy with school, then you wouldn’t have been so shy about bothering me so you could share your problems.

What really happened? Why did you commit suicide? None of your friends had an idea why, all of them said you looked so happy that Friday. Why didn’t you tell me what your problem was? Best friend mo ako diba? Makikinig naman ako eh. (I’m your bestfriend right? Of course I’d listen to you)

It was easy to continue with my life, we rarely saw each other anyway.  Besides, I was surrounded by friends and schoolwork.  But it does not mean that I have forgotten.  I think about you from time to time and the same questions appear inside my head. I do hope that you are happy now though because every time I remember all the fun times we had together, tang ina, alam ko wala nang next time. (I know that there would be no next time)

I’m keeping all the pictures, letters, gifts, and of course, the memories.  No matter how big your problems were, I’d like you to know that during your stay in this world, you were able leave a mark in our lives.  You taught so many people how to share, how to be happy with the simplest of gifts, how to be crazy, and how to be a true friend.

I was never able to tell you how much our friendship means to me.  Thank you for being crazy with me and for being the most caring friend I ever had.  Thank you for being my best friend. You would always have a special place in my heart. I love you Kim. Thank you for everything.